Andrew Miller is the International Director for DMI. When he’s not eating corn chips in Sydney, he’s travelling around the world raising funds and DMI’s profile in developed countries or visiting the fields we support to see what’s needed and how our funds are being managed. Either way, he works tirelessly to avoid unidentifiable food and meets lots of weird and wonderful people who he just can’t resist interviewing…

2. Antonette Benitez

Antonette Benitez teaches at Bicol Deaf Action in the Philippines and is married to Pastor Arnel. Both are Deaf.

Andrew: Thank you for having me over to your place the other day. I was pleased to meet your four children. Four CODAS*! How was it raising four hearing children?!

_{* CODA – Child of Deaf Adults}

Antonette: I work at the school and my husband Arnel works in the church and also takes care of the pigs on the farm. Our eldest son helps to take care of the pigs. We also have a Deaf helper – a graduate of the school – who also helps to look after the pigs.

That’s raising the pigs. I was asking about raising your children!

Yes. That’s how hard we must work to earn enough money to raise four children. Financially, it’s been tough. My salary is small. Arnel’s salary from the church is small. We work hard and put it all together to raise the children.

How about linguistically?

We have been teaching them basic sign language since they were babies. As they grew, we taught them more signs for around the home, and when they mastered those we taught them full sign language. Then they met kids from the Deaf community and that’s what really fast-tracked their signing. Whenever they had trouble understanding the other kids, they would ask us at home.

Tell me about your own upbringing as a Deaf child.

Are you sure you want to hear this?

Of course!

My parents were hearing but my mother died when I was 7. I’m not sure, but they were probably separated at that time because I never saw my father after that. I have two younger sisters, but we were all split up after my mother died and I was taken in by my aunt. That’s when the nightmare began.

Why, what happened?

The aunt I lived with in Bacolod had 7 children and they all bullied me because I was Deaf. You wouldn’t believe it. They would spit on me. They would pinch me and twist my arms. My aunt made me the servant so I had to do all the housework. (Antonette starts crying.)

I’m so sorry to hear that. How did you deal with that?

I ran away, of course. I ran off any and every chance I got. I often ran off and hid in the house of one of my Deaf friends. But my aunt would come looking for me and tell my teacher that I was a bad girl and both my aunt and the teacher would reprimand me. I got spanked so many times with a piece of wood and was left out in the rain as punishment. I kept shouting and crying but they didn’t care. (Antonette is inconsolably sobbing as she recalls this.) I was so hungry. I remember standing out there in the rain, bawling my eyes out and looking at the welts on my arms. I would cry out for my mother, ‘Why did you leave me alone?!’

When and how did it end?

I became desperate to find my sisters. I didn’t know what had happened to them. I just went walking and walking and walking trying to find them, trying to remember the house of my aunt who had taken in one of my sisters. Eventually, I found it! I knocked on the door and grabbed onto my aunt and cried out to her. She was happy to see me but she explained that she couldn’t afford to look after me because she was sick. She had the same sickness my mother died from – tuberculosis – but she told me about an orphanage nearby and asked if I would like to go there. 

That must have been like a light at the end of a very long, dark tunnel.

I didn’t know what to expect, but early the next morning we went to the orphanage and I met the director there. The director hugged me and made me feel so welcome. So I spent the rest of my growing years at the orphanage which was called ‘Welcome Home’ – and that’s exactly how I felt there! They took such good care of me, buying me a uniform and – for the first time in my life – shoes!

You must have felt like a princess. Speaking of which, how did you meet Arnel and become his princess?

We met in Laguna Christian College for the Deaf in 1997. We were classmates.

What was your first impression of him?

When we first met, we had to introduce ourselves and I was so surprised that we had the same sign name! We were arguing over who had rights to the name! Eventually, Arnel adjusted his sign name.

It’s my experience that women usually win these sorts of discussions.

Anyway, that’s how we met and we were classmates through four years of college.

How did you feel about becoming a pastor’s wife?

I didn’t feel anything in particular. We just got into it without really knowing what we were in for! I had no idea at first. I had some experience from my college devotion times and I was used to sharing my faith and teaching from the Bible so it became a sort of continuation from my school life. But it sure was a work in progress. I have a pretty clear idea now but it’s taken about 20 years!

What is your role at the school?

Arnel started teaching at the school first. I joined as a teacher later. I had no idea I would be a teacher because I had young kids at that stage. I was hired as a teacher after Arnel was tapped by Neville to be the school chaplain. Now I’m a teacher and advisor for grades 3 and 4.

Neville had a way of ‘tapping’ people like that. Do you enjoy teaching?

Yes! I enjoy it so much.

You must sometimes see kids coming to the school here from abusive homes. Given your background, how do you feel about that?

When the Deaf kids tell me their stories, I can relate so much and I’m filled with sorrow. I don’t want any Deaf to experience what I experienced. I give them comfort and talk to them and assure them that God loves them. I tell them that I don’t have a real family either but that we have a loving God. So I just encourage them.

So the school becomes their family?

Absolutely. The Deaf kids here call me ‘mum’. We have such a tight bond. I feel like a mother to them, too.

So you’re a mum, a sister, a teacher, a mum to the kids at school, a pastor’s wife. What’s the secret to juggling it all?

Every day I’m busy but I always make time to talk. Communication is key. I schedule my day to make time for those I need to see. I always make time after class for students to come and talk to me. When I get home, I give time to my kids and ask them what their needs are. We always make time at home to talk. After church services, some Deaf approach and ask me for advice and I always make time for them, too. Other pastors’ wives also want to talk so we have that network, too, and that’s important for all of us.

You are an amazing woman and this community is blessed to have you.

I have wonderful people in my life. When it all gets too much, I talk to Anabelle. She is like a mum to me. She also encourages me to make some time for myself too.

~

If you would like to support Antonette and Arnel in their ministry or any of the staff or students at Bicol Deaf Action, please click on the button below to donate, and note your designation in the reference.